Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Apologies

I don't know of anyone who likes to give an apology. Do you? It's a very humbling experience to give one and it completely means admitting that what you did or said was either not right, stupid, wrong, or hurt someone's feelings. I think on many occasions I can go without an apology. Sometimes there isn't time for one, or a need for one. However, there are just certain circumstances where one is rightfuly deserved and that same one will never be received.
It's been two weeks since we had "the incident" at my office, and let me first clarify a few things...there was no robbery or crime committed here. No one was physically injured or hurt. However, my co-worker will not be returning to our office. This was a decision made by the people in charge here and I am not really all that surprised. With all that said, the thing I have been waiting for is an apology. It frustrated me that for as sorry as I was told my co-worker might be, I wanted to hear it from her own lips. After holding on to that for a few days, it occured to me that is most likely never going to happen, and then the flood of thoughts came...
  • Why is it that I want an apology?
  • Will it really help me to hear an apology?
  • What if she truly doesn't know what happened, can she be sorry?

And the Lord got a hold of me after my flood of thoughts came...

  • Karen, you don't like apologizing, why would you want to MAKE someone else do it? Because, Lord, I think she needs to apologize. It's the RIGHT thing to do.
  • Karen, you don't always do the right thing. Yeah, I know, but I gotta be better than her, right? OOPS. (Come on,everyone admit it...you have thought that before! :))
  • Karen, will you forgive her? Well, of course I will Lord... Really? Really forgive her? Okay, God, you know my heart...I forgive easily on some things and not so easily on others. I expect high standards from others and get frustrated when they don't acheieve it. I have to forgive her to rid myself of the thoughts I have and to move past the situation at work. Yes, Lord, I will forgive her.

At that point something occured to me...God must hear lots of "I'm sorries" each day. Some of them being true repentance and others being well, just sorries. I know it's wrong and not very Christ-like to not want to forgive someone. And because I know it's wrong, I will work through that with the Lord and move on. You can only hold bitterness for so long before it eats away at you and the Lord forces you to deal with it. During all this I accepted the fact that the apology is not the end all of anything. It's going to be okay if I never get an apology. He also reminded me of the things we are teaching David right now....the scriptures...

Love your neighbor as your self - Matthew 22:39b

If you are struggling with apologies - having to make one or waiting for someone to apologize, know I am praying for you. I know I am not the only one who struggles with this.

May the Lord bless you this day.

In Christ-

Karen



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1 comment:

Velvet Cowboy said...

I posted about this yesterday on my blog... about an apology from my mom that set me completely free.

I especially like that you posted about, "Loving Your Neighbors". I really need God to help me with that, but I think it starts with loving myself.