Tuesday, May 02, 2006


It's May! It's May! I don't know why I am thrilled it's May, but I guess I really can't believe that May is already here, and half of the year has almost flown by! Yesterday was my momma's birthday and although we were not able to spend it together, I think she had a nice day, aside from having to work...I think birthdays should be considered your own personal holiday and no one should have to work on their own birthday...I doubt that will ever pass.
Today, I come with a heavy, but joyful heart. God, and all that He encompasses (which is everything) and all the works that His hands do, He never ceases to amaze me, startle me, and stretch me. Just when I think I know exactly what He is going to do in a situation, His sovereignty and Love shine through and His grace washes over me and the circumstance. I am grieving today for my grandfather. It was five years ago today that the doctor's took him off the life support and he passed away. For the 6 days prior to this one, my family and I felt like we were in a bad movie. I will spare you the details of his accident, but it was a blow to my family to not have him here. The one thing my grandfather was so thrilled about was my wedding, and he missed it by less than 90 days. I was deeply saddened so much that a year later I had still not made peace with God about it. I didn't want to forgive the man who put my grandfather in that state. After much battling with God, these are the words He gave me...
"Karen-Am I not the Lord?"

Am I not the Lord?

Wow. "I give life and take it away as I (the Lord) see fit. My ways are not your ways (Isaiah 55:8), will you trust Me?" Oh, Lord, of course I will trust you! "No, Karen, will you TRUST me - all that is ME, all that surrounds ME, all that I AM." Oh, yes, Lord, yes...I will trust YOU. I learned a great and valuable lesson that week, the week of Easter 2002. Looking back over the last 5 years, I can see God's hand in the midst of that circumstance and all that followed after that. The care my grandmother receives is part of God's hand; the house Jeremy and I lived in and had David there, that was part of God's hand. Lord, I am thankful that YOUR ways are not my ways...my plans stink a lot of the time! Help me to adopt your ways as my ways; your heart as my heart, and your plans as my plans. I love you, Lord.

I also am grieving today for dear friends of ours who have just lost their baby. Her note of the details of her labor and how perfectly the child was formed (even at 20 weeks) was incredible and moving. Her words, the words that only the Lord Himself could give her, flowed from her like a fountain. This woman walks closely with Jesus and that is a testimony to everyone about the God that she knows intimately and believes in. My prayers are with you during this time. There are two songs to get me through the storms of life...may they encourage you and lift you up. The storms of life are different for everyone, and in times of our greatest need, I pray that I am able to look past myself and my own circumstances and bear the burden for others.

Praise You in this Storm, Casting Crowns - from the LifeSong CD
I'll Praise you in this storm/And I will lift my hands
You are who you are/No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried/You hold in your hand
You never left my side/And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

He Will Carry Me, Mark Schultz - from the Album, Stories, and Songs CD
And even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone and I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

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